Is That a Pen?
by A. Rose H
Summary: What did John write on the paper he gave to Valerie? Read to find out :) I will update and edit as I go along so keep checking back!
1. In Which He Gives Away His Number

1/14/14

Valerie stood there for a moment, looking at the handwritten note. Ten digits lay on the paper, what could only be John's phone number. She shook her head and pocketed the note. She had no idea if she would actually call him. Dating a coworker, said her mother, was never a good idea. But then she thought of how happy she is to see him everyday; how her name in his voice echoes in her head; how handsome he is when he pulls out his gun; the dreams she's had of him that make her blush just thinking about them… Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea. She smiled at that thought.

John's heart was racing as he walked away from Valerie. Part of him couldn't believe he had finally done it; he gave her his number. Then his heart raced continued to race for another reason. This meant he would have to answer the phone, talk to her about something other than work. He wasn't sure he could do it. What if he wasn't as interesting as she expected him to be? Writing his number down had been the easy part, he hadn't stopped to think through the rest.

John's elevated heart rate was not lost on Dorian. Nor was the partial erection in his pants. He waited until they were out of the department to ask a question he knew the answer to.

"So," he began, and left it there.

"So what, Dorian?" John asked.

"So," he said. "What's got your body all worked up, man?"

"Goddamnit Dorian, I told you not to scan me again. A man deserves some privacy," he said angrily.

"No," the android replied. "You told me not to scan your balls. And I did. Your balls get to keep their secrets, though I could hazard a guess and almost certainly be right…"

"Feel free not to," John said and Dorian smiled.

"So…" Dorian said again.

"Fuck, Dorian," John said. "I gave Stahl my number. Are you happy now?"

"Much," he said and paused. "When you and Detective Stahl have your first child will you name him after me?" John pulled over and slammed on the breaks.

"Very funny. Not a word to anyone in the department," he said, his heart pounding with anxiety at the thought of Richard finding out his secret and the humiliation he would face if she didn't call.

"I wouldn't dream of it. This is our secret, John. Thank you for trusting me with this."

"It wasn't voluntary," John replied with an edge to his voice. But when he pulled back onto the street Dorian caught a proud smile flit across his partner's face.


	2. Chapter 2

That Friday, after a week of nodding greetings and discussing nothing beyond their current case John got the call he'd been waiting for. Dorian paused the game and looked at the phone, in John's hand. "You know," the android said, "They work better when you answer them." So he did just that.

"John," she said. "Are you free tomorrow?"

"Y-yes," he said, unsure if what he wanted to happen was actually happening.

"I want you to take me out to dinner," Valerie said, a smile in her voice. He loved how she spoke, the softness of her voice and the smile it carried. He swallowed hard. Be charming, he thought, but nothing came to mind. He was as nervous as when he was a teenage boy, asking out the popular girl in school. Except this time she wanted him. Play it cool, man. Dorian looked at him, a smirk on his face.

The two men were fast becoming friends, although John would never admit it. "Take you out, love I'd to," he said and winced. Nice one, Dorian mouthed. John flipped him off and tried again.

"I mean… I would love to," he said. "I'll make reservations."

"Great," she said. "I'll meet you at your place tomorrow at 6, sound good?"

"Looking forward to it," he said and hung up. John took a moment to compose himself before jumping up and punching the air in victory. "Hell YES!" he said and flopped down next to his partner.

"Congradulations," said Dorian. "I'll be praying you don't screw this up. And maybe this means that one of us will have something to do with our penis."

"Our penis?" John asked.

"You know what I meant, John," Dorian responded.

"No… No I don't think I do," he said. Dorian could hear the playfulness in his partners voice and decided not to respond.

"Have you ever tested out your… *ahem* ...you know…" John said, clearing his throat.

"Penis, John." Dorian said. "He's called a penis. He also goes by the name of 'Fred.''

"Real cute," John said. "But seriously. Does it just sit there, doing nothing? Can you get hard?" Dorian took a minute to compose himself and think of an answer. He was tempted to tell John that he'd used it plenty of times. That, because of his size and experience women were flocking after him. But he decided on the truth.

"You know, I haven't really tested it out. I suppose I could get hard," he said and stared down at his crotch. His brow furrowed in concentration.

"My God, man!" John said, "Don't try it out now." He groaned at the sizable bulge forming in Dorian's pants.

"Well look at that!" Dorian said, a proud smile on his face. "Fully functional!"

"Do you think, you know, you'd get something out of it?" John asked.

"You know, I really don't know. I feel emotions like you do and I know what something feels like when I touch it; I can feel the doorknob when I walk into a room and the handshake of someone I'm meeting. But pleasure…" He paused. "I don't know about pleasure. But that doesn't bother me. I just want the satisfaction of making a woman come. I want to feel her, taste her, eat her even if I don't get anything out of it. I want to be in control of her pleasure."

"Exactly," John said. He imagined Stahl, naked beneath him, her back arched in pleasure. Now Dorian was not the only one sporting a hard-on. John turned the game back on and the two men sat there, watching the game, until it was safe to stand.

Stay tuned for the next chapter. Stuff's about to heat up ;)


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